October 26th, 2012 
LeeAnn I am a recovering cynic. I still struggle with it.
I have made progress though.
Several years ago, a friend tried to convince me to read The Secret. I asked her about it. “It is based on this premise that if you picture yourself having something that you want, you will eventually have it. In other words, if you put out in the universe that you are going to have X, it will come to you.”
I don’t remember what I said to her. I think I might have gone into some kind of coma – like a drug addict who overdoses on the drug of choice. My need for cynicism was just fed a goldmine. I may have started to shake and froth at the mouth.
Based on her recommendation, I even bought The Secret. I tried, I really did. I just couldn’t get through it.
What I see in retrospect, though, is that I needed to ease my way into it. Going from being a cynical person to embracing The Secret would have been like a life-time smoker giving up cigarettes cold turkey. It could be done; I apparently just wasn’t strong enough.
And so I worked, slowly, on being less cynical and being more open to “the Universe.”
Honestly, it took me two or three years to notice a difference.
One of the clearest examples of my progress is the way in which I reached the decision to open a Great Harvest bakery. By being open to ideas and changes, and being mindful of themes (and yes, perhaps, “signs”) in my life, I was eventually led to Great Harvest and its franchise opportunities.
In reading back over that last paragraph, I realize that I have made the process sound very gentle … very lyrical … very gradual.
I think the Universe is much more forceful with me. Perhaps to some, the Universe taps you on the shoulder. To others, maybe it whispers in your ear. With me, I think it bonks me on the head.
That may say something about my personality.
There is a very recent example.
Like all of us in our everyday lives, I have been a bit stressed. And I have been feeling the added pressure (added by myself) of doing another blog post. The posts that I like the most just come to me – and they feel right. Nothing had come to me, so I sat down to force a topic. I thought of how I had addressed topics very difficult to me so I searched for another challenging topic. All I needed to do was turn on the tv to find the answer. Politics.
I wrote a post about politics. It was a nonpartisan post. It bemoaned the lack of respect and civility in our nation and talked about how people in general have changed.
We have all heard it before.
It didn’t feel good. It was a depressing view of humanity.
And then the Universe bonked me on the head.
On my to-do list for the next day was to set up a Facebook page for the new business. I did it, and then watched as friends and family and even people who I did not know responded with encouragement and support.
An old friend responded to a happy birthday wish with the most kind and heartfelt message – a message that has remained with me.
Four of us on a non-profit board in town met and together worked out a very difficult problem we had encountered. And we did it by truly listening and caring.
Civility is not gone, nor is respect and kindness. People are still inherently good.
But you have to be open to it. You have to look for it. And we need to remember what is truly important.
If you don’t, the Universe may bonk you on the head.
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Being open to transformative change is to be cognizant that life has rhythms and cycles, and we have to learn to trust them, and be attuned to them.
Stress, uncertainty, apprehension is usually a sign of spiritual and emotional dissonance. Despite its alluring appeal, one cannot intellectualize these away. I believe acceptance is the key. Cynicism is fine in small measures; indeed, it is a healthy defense mechanism. We really need to know ourselves, our personalities and idiosyncracies, and embrace those in a self-affirming and encompassing way.
My mother, who is a pious (though I dislike that descriptor intensely) Catholic, tends to say that large burdens are only give to the broad-shouldered. We all have then; how we respond is the most important. I mean, responding with dignity, humility, and integrity, not necessarily triumphing over them all at once.
The Philosopher John Ruskin had a rock on his desk inscribed with a single word: “Today”. The anxieties of the past coupled with apprehensions about the future are a gargantuan load for anyone to carry. We need to life in day-tight components, and remember, feelings are momentary and emotional reasoning can lead us to fallacies. Accepting the different emotional states we have is the key to growing from. Try to artificially curtail them, and we only add accelerant to an already incendiary situation.
Personal growth can be difficult, but it is usually instructive. It is kind of like the regeneration of forests after fire. Some things need to be excoriated to allow new shoots to grow.
It appears that there is assurgent growth for you, and that gladdens the heart of all who know and care about you.
Trevor – thank you for your wisdom and understanding. I have read your response numerous times and keep discovering different brilliant parts. Your first sentence especially speaks to me. Hope you are well – and hope that incredible soul that we both adore returns to you safely!
My evolution continues steadfastly 🙂 I should have also said, even though we have a culture of compulsory euthymia (feeling good), feeling sadness, grief, emotional pain and the “dissonant” emotions is quite natural, and perfectly normal. With hopefulness, grace and applied wisdom we emerge stronger and more enlightened, and crucially, better able to counsel and response humanely to the struggles of others. Rather than being frightening, this can be a profoundly enriching experience. Commit yourself resolutely to the happiness of others by being kind, helpful, tender and compassionate, and I believe our own happiness takes care of itself, if we let it.
As always, you write and I get emotional. I think that happens because you put out there what I think. I have been in a rut lately. I find that I crawl into bed at 8 every night because I have no more energy to talk to anyone. You are so right. We can create our stress or create our own happiness. I think I might try and find what I am looking for today and maybe I can stay up until 10. I am so happy for you and I know that the next step of your journey is going to be awesome. I love you. xoxo
Kelly – First, let me say that I love you too. Your heart speaks to me. Several times recently, I have needed physic energy, and have sought and received it on your facebook page. That is pretty amazing to me – and true. It does not surprise me that you get low on energy at times, as you give SO MUCH of it to others. Hope you are feeling better soon. xoxo
Beautifully written! I am a “bonk on the head” kind of girl! It took a real hard bonk on the head for me to unlock the door of change to overcome the addiction to stress, performance,production,success and expectation! Like Samuel Johnson, I had to make sure I was on my “right” foot before I crossed the threshhold. The result was that I spent more time on the side of the door where I did not want to be! Change or what Treavor above calls personal growth is hard.As the title of your blog states you have to have “willilngnesstogrow”. Sometimes it is a bonk, a whisper, a revealation that finally moves us. I often think of C.S. Lewis, a confirmed academic bachelor, set in his ways who was moved by love-human and divine. But, we have to be willing after the moving force to grow! Thank you for helping us grow and move beyond cynicism.
Linda – I love hearing your voice!! It does not surprise me that we have had similar journeys and that we both need “bonks”. The good news, at least, is that we have become attuned to the bonks. Hope you are well and hope to see you soon!
I have to add a little levity here. The expression “bonk” has another very different meaning in New Zealand. I am not sure if that usage is in common parlance in the US. Let’s just say it is a euphemism similar to the original meaning of “rock and roll”. 🙂 As you were.
As the comments have already pointed out, your own ‘willingnesstogrow’ is so inspiring. I also very much appreciate the openness in all you share with us. I’m glad you didn’t publish the post you weren’t happy with — even though I could happily read something from you every day, it would only be right to read the thoughts that come from your heart. It’s so cool that you are listening to your heart over your head at those times when you need to. It’s something that always drew me to you, from the first time I found your blog. Even though I knew there were things we would disagree about (in that initial post, you were talking about how you hated assessments and I love them, I think you may have even mentioned the Secret in that post or one soon after, and I love to think about our thoughts can attract what we want), but nevertheless, I somehow KNEW you were compassionate, open, and kind to everyone — regardless of differences of opinions. And I believe that openness has allowed your willingness to be kinder to yourself. Can’t wait to watch the journey of all you are embarking on with Harvest Bread!
Robin – your words are very meaningful to me! Thank you. Your sentence about my openness allowing me to be kinder to myself is speaking to me. I think you are right – and I think that is the first step in growth. Or at least it has been with me. Thanks for hanging in there with me!!!