Five years ago, I started this blog when I was struggling. I felt that I had veered off course.
Happiness had become elusive; my profession was draining me; my marriage was difficult. I was not living the life I had envisioned.
Writing became an outlet for me during that time; it was both an emotional release and also a way in which to organize and analyze my feelings.
Much has changed.
I left my profession of twenty-one plus years – the one that I had declared mine at the age of eight. I started a business, divorced, moved, lost my soul mate, got tattooed, sold a business … and more.
Being very goal oriented, I began the journey by identifying a business to build. And I kept that goal in my vision always. I anticipated that when I achieved it, I would feel fulfilled and at peace. I would be living “a life more authentic to my true self.”
For a year while the initial stages of the business were in progress and my divorce was being finalized, I found myself alone … uncertain … anxious … insecure. Places that I had not been before. The circumstances, and my tendency to be overly analytical, led me to a period of intense self inquiry and examination.
I increased my yoga practice into a daily one. Through that discipline, I became more conscious of my physical being; that self-awareness then extended to my emotional state. It became evident that I could choose how my sixty minutes on the mat were going to be that day; from there, the choice extended to my day, my week … and my life.
With that came the understanding that my past had been within my control as well. I sought to understand why I made the choices I had made and to understand my part in the failures. My goal was not only to avoid the same mistakes again, but also to cultivate forgiveness and compassion in my heart.
With the solitude came a panic and a sadness and, honestly, some not great decisions. I worked to become at peace with being alone. I grew by being with myself.
I started to peel away the protective layers. I made the choice to lead with my heart, knowing that it will come with hurt … and it has. It has also resulted in overwhelming love and support flowing back to me.
The business opened and it became a thriving part of the community.
And yet I yearned to move on.
I am back to a period of transition. But this time it feels different.
This transition I go into at peace.
I now know that life – truly experiencing life – is not about reaching for that final goal or summit and achieving it. It is about how you live this minute … and the next one … and then the next one.
Success for me is not defined by careers or money.
Will I set long-term goals again? Without a doubt.
But I won’t expect the achievement of that goal to bring inner peace and happiness.
It is my responsibility to cultivate that inner peace and happiness every day.
And so my journey continues.