I have missed you.
For some reason, posting on the blog became a bit insurmountable. The longer I was away from it, the more stressful the idea of getting back on it became.
And yet here I am. It feels good to be back.
As we approach the new year, I find myself thinking about what 2013 will bring, and the journey I have travelled in these last several years.
A few years ago, I felt tired. Many things in my life felt old … and worn … and blah. I remember feeling like I had nothing interesting to contribute to conversation. Who wants to hear about commercial finance at a cocktail party (or ever)?
Over the past few years, my horizons have broadened. My life is full of different interests – still some commercial finance, but also yoga, and its physical and mental accompaniments. Together with my friend, I am starting a new business. We are opening a Great Harvest Bread bakery in Savannah. I am so proud of what we are accomplishing. There are many aspects of the new business that ignite my passions – healthy living … marketing … social media … involvement with the community.
This past year, I worked to overcome some paralyzing fears.
My love for animals defines me. It is a huge part of who I am and, in many ways, I live my life in accordance with this passion. Yet I have avoided becoming involved in the causes due to my intense fear of animal cruelty stories.
My excuse has always been that I don’t want to know that such cruelty exists.
Interestingly, by finally acknowledging and facing the harsh reality, it has allowed me to witness and participate in such incredible acts of kindness and love. I am now on the board of directors of the local Humane Society and am an avid follower and supporter of the Georgia English Bulldog Rescue organization. In my opinion, there is a special place in heaven for people who are active with animal rescues. Especially with recent events, it is so important to be reminded that such goodness exists.
At the age of forty-five, I feel a bit like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.
There are still struggles.
I catch myself setting goals, or focusing on obstacles, and thinking that once I reach that goal, or overcome that obstacle, then my life will be perfect.
I try to recognize these thoughts, and set them aside. Such thoughts cause me to focus on what I don’t have or on something that is not pleasant. In doing so, I tend to miss the incredibly positive aspects of life whirling around me.
So I continue with two steps forward and one back occasionally. Slow and steady progress is ok with me; I never expected to change myself overnight.
Finally, though, I am looking at a new year ahead of me which will be different.
I anticipate high-highs and am sure that there will be some low-lows as well. But I will be living … feeling … and growing. I will no longer accept the status quo out of fear of change.
I see a year of vibrancy, intensity and emotion, not one that is tired and grey.
It is hard for me to adequately describe the feeling for me personally of finally moving forward.
I think it may be peace.
May you all have success in finding your own peace in 2013!