March 2nd, 2012 
LeeAnn This has been an exhausting week for me.
It started out with my father having surgery. Seeing someone whom I love so much and who has been such a strong presence in my life vulnerable and impaired is hard for me. It makes me think about a lot of things – and makes it a little more difficult to be upbeat.
My parents have been together since they were fourteen. When one is sick, I almost worry more about the other one. All week I have been concerned about my mom; I don’t want her to be alone as I know she worries about my dad. I want to be there to distract her.
Normally my husband is so helpful in situations like this and we are able to divide and conquer our duties. This week, though, my husband has been really sick as well. We have been living in different areas of the house so that I don’t get his bug and pass it on to either of my parents.
My workload has picked up this week, with a big new rush deal, and I may have slightly over-committed myself by serving on boards for four local non-profits. It seems each one needed something done this week.
To top it all off, there have been some very sad things happening in Savannah. Surprising deaths, including of a young man in a local high school. With the size of Savannah, the entire community seems to be affected. Also, there has been a new occurrence of animal cruelty on the news every day. I have had to stop watching the news; I cannot stand to hear those stories.
I am not complaining. And I know that we all go through times like this and many have much more stress on them. I know I am fortunate.
For all of these reasons, though, I have been emotional this week. I feel like I have been walking around with my heart on my sleeve … exposed … unshielded. It is as if my heart was so present in everything I did. My actions this week have been governed by my heart.
In reflecting back, I am struck by the intensity of everything I felt – the low lows, but also the incredibly high peaks. The incredible gratitude – and not just for those who helped my family (and there were some wonderful people who did), but also for the random kindness in my life; for the friend who reached out to ask me about attending a yoga weekend; for the friend whom I thought I offended through a series of events yet reacted to me with gentleness and kindness; for the friends who sent me texts for no reason other than to tell me that they were thinking of me; for my dear sweet friend at work who immediately puts my family on her church’s prayer list whenever we are in need.
Do I notice these things in my everyday life under normal circumstances? Do I appreciate them as much? I am not sure that I do – and I so want to. And even more, I want to provide those positive touches to others in my life. The human contact. The kindness. It can be so significant.
I think I have lived part of my life numb; I tried to protect myself from extreme emotions. At times I ignored feelings by burying myself in work.
After spending a week that was raw with emotions – and trust me, some of them were pretty rough and feelings were hurt – I have come to an odd conclusion.
I like it that way.
Yes, this week was exhausting and one with less drama is definitely preferable. But I want to walk through my life with my heart exposed. I know that I have a huge heart. I want people to see it; I want people to know me by it; I want it to define me. The highs are worth the lows – and even the lows make me feel more alive … more present … more aware.
The same friend whom I thought I offended urged me to follow my heart. Three very simple words that we have all heard before. I guess in part because of the week I was having, the words really struck a chord with me.
Have I questioned my judgement in life? Of course – often.
Have I questioned my analytical skills? Yes.
Have I ever questioned my heart? No. I may have ignored it, but I have never doubted it.
This week was a good reminder to me.
It is time to follow my heart.
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Wow! This one hit me hard. Tunie, you have touched on every single emotion that I have. I’m sorry that you have endured such an emotional week. You inspire everyone around you! I, too, have been so consumed with the loss of Stuart. It seems surreal to imagine how you ever recover from a loss like that. Seeing the news locally, the recent school shootings in Ohio, and the senseless loss of so many young people, has hurt my heart. Reading this blog post gives me a sense of comfort. It gives me a feeling of camaraderie. The day I met you I instantly knew we shared so many traits. After reading this, I am convinced our paths were meant to cross. I wear my heart proudly on my sleeve and I will never apologize for that. You rock!
Kel – you do wear your heart on your sleeve, too!! That is absolutely why we were drawn to each other – and why we will be long time friends. I am so incredibly grateful for that and you. xoxo
What a beautiful an touching post, LeeAnn. Following your heart is not always an easy thing to do, but well worth the effort. I am often reminding myself of that. Healing thoughts and prayers to your family.
Jill – THANK YOU. You are another one with a huge heart – and it is amazing that we are able to see that through the virtual world, but we can. I appreciate so the friendship we have grown over the past year – brought together by our mutual mourning. Hi to Brian and have a great weekend.
Beautifully expressed. Loving comment from Todd, your childhood pal. I’m guessing you never bit him!
I love you!
Mama
Love you too!! (and I don’t think I ever bit Todd)
I loved this one and can relate to so much of it. I hope your dad makes a quick recovery. Thinking about (and missing!) you.
Thanks Mer!! Miss you so much!!
You DO provide kindness and positive touches to others. Trust me, I am one of those lucky enough to benefit from both. And you ARE known for having a big, loving heart. If it’s on your sleeve, wear it proudly — it suits you! Love you!
Thank you my friend – I pulled from your strength this morning!! And you are so incredibly strong – you amaze me. Love YOU!
I hate that it’s been such a rough week for you, but I’m pleased that it allowed to experience a very special sort of grace. Thinking of your dad and I hope he’s on the mend very soon.
Also, this post makes me think of this great Steve Jobs quote. I think you’ll like it too:
“Three Rules of Life. 1: Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. 2: Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. 3: Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition – they somehow already know what you truly want to become.”
xx
Jenn – love that quote!! He was a smart man! Miss you! xoxo
Praying for your dad, LeeAnn. Medical procedures remind us of our vulnerability, humanity and faith. They always leave me feeling off-kilter too. Good luck with your deal at work too! Thinking of you.
Thank you so much Ada-Marie! Hope your beautiful family is doing well!
Beautifully said. It’s an act of courage to respect yourself enough to bring your heart into everyday life.
Thank you Ilegirl. I agree with you – it is an act of courage and is going to take a great deal of consistent effort and reminders. Hope you are having a good weekend!