Due to the year-end rush at work, the holidays and travel, I got behind on my visits to my chiropractor. Last Thursday, about mid-day, my lower back sent me a clear message that it was going to ruin my weekend if I did not address it. FAST. So on Friday, I went to see my chiropractor, Dr. J.
Dr. J quickly tells me that I am tighter than he has seen me in years. I express frustration at this and ask him how that could be, when I have been doing so much yoga.
“You know, there is this new word in the English language. It was introduced last year in the dictionary,” Dr. J tells me. “It is called … MODERATION.”
My immediate response was to roll my eyes in exasperation at his corny attempt at humor. I seem to do that a lot in his office.
Later that night, I made a huge mistake and told my husband what he said. I cannot tell you how many times over the weekend my hubby just looked at me and said in a sarcastic tone, “oh yeah, that’s moderation.” Even worse, “Remember what Dr. J said.” Or worst of all, “I told you so.”
Truthfully, I know that I struggle with moderation. I always have. Dr. J was absolutely right (and I hate it that he might actually read this).
In my mind, if something is a good thing, then I can’t do too much of it. Or have too much of it.
Yoga is an amazing discipline. I love what it does for my body as well as my mind. My yoga instructors are phenomenal. I want to absorb their kindness and adopt their approach to life.
As a result, I have been going to yoga almost every day. Rain or shine, back spasms or no sleep – I am there. If I am out-of-town and can’t get to the studio, I practice to their instruction via a podcast.
Call it being “type A” or maybe it is just plain crazy. It became a competition with myself. I want to do the poses that I cannot do; I want to be the best client of the studio; I want to be the most earnest learner of the discipline; I want to make my muscles leaner and firmer.
And the most important realization? I lost some of the joy in the process.
I have had practices in the past in which I left the studio feeling an absolute joyousness. There were times when I lost myself totally on the mat; when I truly focused on how the movements were making my body feel and then trying to make it feel even better through my breath and other yoga tools.
Instead, what my practice has become lately is more of a box to check. I need to get in that yoga workout. I need to improve on at least three poses today. My body is tired, but I need to keep this up to get stronger. I will lose it all if I back off.
I am not as young as I used to be. My body feels my lack of moderation. I constantly smell like China Gel (a wonderfully natural equivalent of Ben Gay). I am stiff and sore. I have to see Dr. J. more often.
Like many of us, I have faced this struggle in other areas of my life, including my work and outside-life balance and my diet.
It took Dr. J’s humor to jolt me into seeing that I had lost the balance a bit again. And I realized that it relates to the concepts that I address often in this blog.
Kindness. Gentleness. Reasonableness. Compromise.
We all need to be reminded that these concepts should be applied to ourselves, as well as to others in our lives. May you all have a Dr. J in your life to do so.
I wish i could find that Dr, J.
So beautiful, LeeAnn! The evolution of the practice is everything you wrote: kindness, gentleness, reasonableness… and compassion. Practice from this place and you will practice the rest of your life. And you are a most earnest learner of the discipline, that shines through even if you took child’s pose the whole class…
You inspire me! namaste
Kendall – you would think that I would have become used to your incredible kindness and loving touch by now, but it still catches me by surprise and leaves me in awe. I am so appreciative of you and your spirit. Thank you and namaste.
I love your new look! Your “about me” photo is wonderful! It seems that I can’t find that word in the dictionary either. I need a Dr. J. Smudge says hello and hugs to Gracie.
Thanks Jill!!! Hugs and kisses back to Smudge!! My Gracie isn’t doing too well – vet thinks she tore the meniscus in her back knee, and she is not in good enough shape for anesthesia. Please think good thoughts for her – it is killing me to see her in pain.
Hi LeeAnn. Your honesty in addressing situations is so refreshing! We all have our “stuff” and it’s a life-long journey to work on it. I am certain that your Type A personality has served you well on many occasions and it’s wonderful that you have Dr. J and your husband to remind you of times when it doesn’t. Take care of yourself. And hugs to Gracie. Hope she is doing better.
Thank you Robin!! I feel like I have been out of touch with the blogging world and my blogging friends – especially you. I am glad to be back in touch. As always, thank you for visiting!
It’s interesting to read that Yoga effects your mind as well as your body.