May 27th, 2011 
LeeAnn Several years ago, we were asked to take personality tests at our law firm. I was one of the most vocal protesters, complaining that it was a waste of time and silly. I guess I should not have been surprised that I scored very high as to cynicism.
I became more aware of my cynicism and I decided in the last several years that I do not want to be cynical anymore. Cynicism has a negative element to it, and I want to be positive. Can you change a personality trait?
As part of my journey to improve myself, I tried reading some of the inspirational or self-help books that are so popular, such as “The Secret” and “Eat, Pray, Love”. Cynical me couldn’t do it. I wanted to throw “The Secret” out the window, onto my driveway and then run over it with my car – twice. I had to stop reading it as I was afraid my eyes would spasm from rolling back in my head so often. With “Eat, Pray, Love”, my problem was – knowing that I couldn’t take the huge chunk of time and travel the world like she did, what good was it going to do me to read about the amazing personal growth she was able to reach when she took such a journey? I am sure that these books have value; for whatever reasons, I just could not get to it – my failings, not theirs.
About six months ago, I picked up a book called “Fortytude” by Sarah Brokaw (Tom’s daughter). The introduction grabbed my attention: “It takes courage to look within, but this is what we must do. By examining ourselves closely and coming to a deeper understanding of what matters most to us as unique individuals, we can separate the societal messages from our own hearts’ calling, let go of ideas of what should be, and instead embrace what is. You can take a stand and say proudly: ‘This is who I am.” Or, if you’re at a point where you’re reinventing your life, you can say: ‘This is who I want to be – and I’m going to go for it!” This process takes a kind of strength that I call ‘fortytude.'”
Sarah identifies five core values that women need to navigate their lives with health and happiness:
1. Grace
2. Connectedness
3. Accomplishment
4. Adventure
5. Spirituality
At the same time I was reading “Fortytude”, I started at a new power yoga studio. One instructor often spoke of the importance of equanimity and how it is a fundamental concept of this practice of yoga. I must admit that I had to come home the first time and look it up (“Equanimity is a state of mental or emotional stability or composure arising from a deep awareness and acceptance of the present moment” – per Wikipedia).
Sarah writes this about the core value of Grace: “When we make peace with life events, even when things don’t go the way we want, we exhibit grace. When we manage stressful situations with humor, we exhibit grace. When we are accepting of others, we exhibit grace. Grace is not about physical beauty or having a ballerina’s poise. It is composed of generosity, forgiveness, and equanimity in the face of trying times.”
Coincidence? Cynical me would have said yes. I chose to take it as a sign that I needed to work on it. And the more equanimous that I am, the less cynical I will be.
I love the example given by my yoga teacher – she said that at first she had problems getting her arms around the concept of equanimity and asked her instructor if it meant that she could never be enthusiastic about things again – such as being so excited about eating the chocolate brownie waiting for you in your refrigerator. His response was no, it didn’t mean that – but what it did mean is that if you look forward to the brownie all day, then at the end of the day when you go to get the brownie and discover that your husband ate it, your reaction should be a calm acceptance that it was meant to be that way.
I have always been an emotional person, so calming my reactions takes a huge effort. But I have noticed that, at the end of the day, I am exhausted if I have had an emotional day; whereas I have much more energy if I have had a calm day. I anticipate that it will be some time before I can react consistently with equanimity, but I am going to continue to try.
In the meantime, I think some yogi may have just saved my husband’s life.
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Outstanding post! I have struggled with the same issue for years, although, in many ways, I’m much less cynical today than I was 10 years ago. Recognizing and effectively dealing with one’s “demons” is often a difficult journey. But doing so has dramatically improved the quality of your life and apparently extended your husbands life by a number of years as well. Maybe you could help me come up with a life strategy for 50+?
Thanks Robert!!! I may be wrong, but I think your recent happiness has made you less cynical. We can work on it together – and then once we have fixed ourselves, we can tackle the world’s most cynical person – JACK. : )
Hi Tunie! I loved reading this. I might just print Sarah’s 5 core values and put them by my computer. Maybe I will order her book. I wanted to let you know that if I find that if I don’t like a book that others have raved about, I check out the 1-star reviews on Amazon and have a field day reading the posts by others who share my observations/opinions. I did that with “Freakonomics” after it made me so mad. Reading the reviews was not only validating, it helped me clarify my own opinion. I have not heard much about “The Secret” so I had to look it up….and my Mom did not like “Eat, Pray, Love” either….;)
I typically do not post anything about my work in comments as I feel that I do not want this work to be pushed onto people, but rather “found” by them. Also I do not want to be seen as a person that only comments to promote myself. This post is one that must have been meant for me to see, read and comment on. Equanimity seems to be one word to describe my concept of The Best Thing. I never read “The Secret”, “The Vortex” or actually any self help books such as those. I never felt I needed that guidance as I already knew and understood those ideas more thoroughly than the authors who wrote them. I did read “A New Earth” by Eckart Tolle, only because my sister asked me to read it for her because she wanted to know what it said but it was too confusing to read. That book is full of notes of clarification and questions of intent.
The five points Sarah makes are good places for men AND women, boys & girls to start finding direction in their lives. Regardless of how a person chooses to pursue their Best Life, focusing on the feeling we have when The Best Thing happens while we are working toward out goals will ensure that we are asking for the Universe for what we need to succeed without LIMITING it to only what our Human minds perceive as an outcome. I wrote my book to show that the energetic tools that are becoming available to the world are for EVERYONE to use, anytime, anywhere and to show how easy they are for everyone to get and use. You can link to a book preview and my website through my blog. AWESOME blog and thank you for allowing me to be a part of it! A well chosen Freshly Pressed!
No offense and please do not take this in any wrong way but SELF HELP BOOKS ARE A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY! Truely they are, we are all different and to rely on ourselfs souly based on ONe person that i don’t know following his/her ideas and experience that is completely diffenerent than my own of life doesn’t help the person to grow.
Seek a professional than assess your life on how you can better yourself, write your thoughts down. Try to make progress everyday by surrounding yourself with positive ppl and thoughts that can encourage your self esteem. Life is about growing and changing, and whatever set backs a person has can help that person to grow you dont’ need self help.
Hey Jenny!! So good to hear from you! Have you ever thought of blogging about your adventures in London? I am always watching Facebook to see new pictures, etc. I hope all is well. I will have to look at the reviews for those books – glad to hear that your Mom didn’t like “Eat, Pray Love” either. I think you would really like “Fortytude.” I find myself going back to it regularly. The other core value I have really focused on is “Connectedness” – and have found that has enriched my life tremendously. Take care! xoxo Tunie
Terrific Post I enjoyed reading it and I believe that your doing great. Be Blessed!
I loved your post. I am so glad you didn’t give up on yoga. It sounds like you found a teacher that you like and is going to make you ponder. I am excited to hear about your journey of what sounds like will be a positive transformative time for you. I did like the book Eat, Love, Pray but I am a softy to looking at life as a spiritual adventure. Namaste!
Becky – I love getting your comments! It seems like we might have a fair amount in common – wish we lived closer so we could catch up over some good wine. Hope all is well. Namaste!
I feel the EXACT same way about The Secret (I think my copy DOES have tire tracks on it…), and I’ve often lamented that my lack of interest in Eat, Pray, Love has made me lose my woman card. 😉
As someone who is in the middle of reinvention after a CRAZY divorce (which is the basis of my own blog), you’d sure think those books would be treasured parts of my reading repertoire. Um. Yeah. No…
Thanks for the suggestion of Fortytude. Can’t wait!
I can’t even get through the movie EPL. I guess I’ll just have to be a card-less woman!
What a great post. I think I’ll have to check that book out, too. On the topic of grace, you might also like Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts.
Nice post! I stumbled upon your blog from the “Freshly Pressed” page and really enjoyed it. “Equanimity” is one of my favorite words (along with “serendipity — but they’re almost the same concept). I liked “Eat, Pray, Love” mostly for the settings. I often read to experience places I may never go. “The Secret” was all the rage among a certain set of my friends a few years ago. I appreciate the larger idea contained within, but I rarely trust anyone who has figured out how to make a living (usually a very NICE living) from sharing spiritual truth. It just seems wrong, somehow. Especially when everything they need to know is contained in yoga. 🙂
I’m curious: How are serendipity and equanimity the same?
Personality tests are evil. Uh oh, that was cynical of me. I think you have the right attitude about it though. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
I’m a pretty calm and collected person, but if someone tried to eat my brownie, I’d deck them…yoga instructors included. 😉
Looking forward to reading Fortytude…thanks for the suggestion!
“Letting go of what should be and embracing what is … this is who I am!”
That’s the point I’m navigating towards! Thanks for sharing … will definitely have to look into Fortytude.
Well, I totally agree with you. I am 21 and as I can see with time life does get hard on me (relatively) and I some times totally lose it..At the end of trying period, I realize that the worst part of it all is the emotional downfall makes me pay a lot more and it doesn’t change things at all. If I can handle things without being emotionally unstable and accepting things, if not anything I can retain my calm…Great post 🙂
Thank you, I needed to hear that! Great post.
Wow, I did a post on the exact same issue, for the same reason. My answer to this question is absolutely yes! Most folks seem more or less resolved to be as they are, some people think that’s it’s a virtue to sort of unfold by chance, like a flower…even if that flower is a corpse flower, many think it’s futile to try and change a seemingly bedrock characteristic, and others are beginning to think that not only can we cultivate ourselves, but we should! Thanks for a great post!
My personality is the exact opposite of yours. I’m highly optimistic. The funny part about that, for me, is that I can’t get into these supposedly “uplifting” books that other women find so remarkable. Maybe a person needs to be middle of the road to enjoy this type of reading.
I noticed that I am a very stubborn person. It can do me very well in competition and maintaining independence, but it can be harmful in my relationships (and has been in the past) if I don’t bite my tongue or watch my ego (granted I used to have very low self-esteem, which could be a reason I am very guarded about being brought back to reality. Reality can really hurt.)
I wish you well on your journey to less cynicism and I hope that we both find what it is we need to remain true to ourselves without being overly stubborn or cynical 😉
HAHA well i completely relate to what you did with “The Secret”. Cynical me from four years ago read Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsche and flung it across the room. (The books say that that reaction is our “resistance”) I feel like most of these ideas can be hard to internalise. But if youre willing, and when youre ready, they really can turn things around. I was somber as an undertaker while I was in college and now at work have the reputation of a highly jolly (slightly bufoonish) person.
these concepts about positivity and the whole mind-body-soul connect never fail to amaze me. I think as we evolve and unlearn we only get better at them?
also, on an aside, i think “stillness speaks” by Eckhart Tolle is a fabulous fabulous book – its extremely logically explained and is really more “zen” than commercial(which i think The Secret somewhat is). The Secret was in my opinion a bit of an oversimplification – the concepts were poorly explained and a very cerebral person would perhaps just be annoyed/dissmissive of its message.
Check ouf Pema Chodran for information on the “middle way.”
I think over time, you will be able to tolerate books like the one that almost made your eyes convulse out of your head, and even adore them. There is a great amount of resistance we hold against things that threaten our ego. You will find every reason to avoid the things you need! I, myself, can be very attached to my sarcasm. But, deep down, I know that sarcasm is not the real me, and it is not to my ultimate benefit. Baby steps. One day we will all be walking upright, without pain! All in time.
Nice to read your post…
Hi,
After 30 years in IT people could taste the cynicism in the air around me, so I can appreciate where you were coming from. I took the leap to give it up and train as a teacher of the Alexander Technique. I qualify next month after three years.. If you’re not familiar with it (and most people aren’t ) it builds on the idea that how we use our bodies affects our minds and vice versa. It’s a practical approach to giving up being habitual about life. Really needs lessons but Body learning by Michael Gelb is a good intro to the ideas.nd it can ift quite well with yoga. I’ll look out for Fortytude though – and I love the idea of reading blogs for the healthy recipes!
Cynicism can be fun. But I think personality traits are totally reversible…it just doesn’t happen all at once. You have to be hit with some big impact to fully change; at least, that’s my opinion. Great post.
-GD
Visit my writing blog at http://shelleddreams.wordpress.com/
I am running out to get a copy of “Fortytude” today! I identify with everything you said. It’s like it was me talking to me! I hope I benefit from it as much as you have. In February of this year, I completed a 30-day yoga challenge — yoga EVERYDAY for 30 days. I loved every minute of it. This was the kick-off into my own journey of self-improvement. Like you, I started a blog (like yesterday … really … not even kidding) to learn more about myself and to have a creative outlet (I am a paralegal, and working for admiralty lawyers doesn’t enhance one’s creative/artistic mind) and not worry about what everyone else thinks. I hope my blog evolves to be as interesting as yours. So far I’ve learned I must take more pictures and that I cannot write a post while filing a pleading. We all have our limits I guess. Ha! Thanks for the inspiration!
I really admire that example of the brownie in the frigde,and I like your writing style,simple and straight to the point, Really well done(Y)
Would you recommend the book to a younger audience as well? It sounds like this book may help me with some of my quandaries in life. In fact, I have been pondernig lately if it is possible be gain personality traits like grace and class. I tend to be emotional and occasionally rash, and I wish I had more composure. So, even though I’m not forty, maybe I can get a jumpstart and read “Fortytude” early?
I made a change in my life about 6 years ago. I divorced the spawn of satan.
Congrats on FP
After years on the self-help/improvement/tools-to-change treadmill, I came to the conclusion each author/lecturer were all reaching for the same goal – and sharing their individual journey of how they got there….I really did laugh out loud when I listened to your description of various books – I’ve had my own (ahem) cynical responses to various exercises that promise to deliver what each of us seeks.
Much like I would listen to one friend’s story of a visit to an attraction and say, “wow! that sounds fun” and then listen to another who visited the same attraction, via riding her bicycle and camping out overnight to get there, I would say, “eeewww! not for me” (I’m outta shape!) I concluded the messages touted for how to achieve happiness and inner peace have been going on for as long as we, as a species, started thinking about the subject – – the ways to achieve it are numerous and yes, some of them make me want to throw up or things too…..while others seem doable and practical- –
Same destination, billions of routes….
Finding ways to incorporate both your gifts and ‘flaws’ (two sides of the same coin, IMHO) into a daily life that brings enjoyment/peace to you and those you love, are as numerous and individual as we each are, as are the circumstances we find ourselves in when our inner voice comments, “Hmmm…is this really as good as it gets?”
Saying, “Hey, this worked for me, it might for you” does not sell as many books as “At long last, the guaranteed miraculous answer”
So I research, listen and continue my journey, often with some tweaks to the travel itinerary….LOL
Thanks for sharing your perspective – I enjoyed it!
Hello LeeAnn,
I stumbled here from the Freshly Pressed list. Great post! It is my personal belief that, if people survive, thousands of years from now this era will be remembered only for two things and neither of them are any technical apparatus. What this era will be remembered for is coming up with the best way to subtract an unwanted behavior, The 12 Steps (consider all conditioned behaviors to be addictions), and perfecting a good way to add a desired behavior, The Scientific Method leading to religious rituals.
Have fun,
Craig
I am not a huge book reader, but I have spent the last few month’s reading as much motivational material as possible. One common theme that always seems to come up is the ability to control your attitude. It took me a while, but I was able to grasp the concept that we can not control what happens outside of ourselves. What we can control is how we react to it. What helped me was picturing my attitude and mood as something tangible. I have the ability to make it whatever I desire. This has helped me quite a bit.
One other thing that I was recently told was to keep reading inspirational material. A very important person in my life said “Our minds and bodies were not made to withstand the daily struggles that the world throws at us. This is why it is so important to continue nourishing our minds with positive thoughts.” This person was absolutely right. I can feel myself change when I have not read for some time, and when I do read, I notice how positive I feel.
Great post, keep it up. I loved reading this.
You can’t have death without birth, you can’t gave white without black and you can’t have original comments without cliches ones (like mine) 😉
Seriously though, cynicism is part of a person as well as naivete is. I would not want to fight one to lose the balance. I guess, balance is what I would rather go for.
congratulations on being FP!
,
very good post, thank you for sharing with us your experience 🙂
yes, i think i will grab and read “fortyrude”, the intro sounds great. i guess i read similar ideas in someone’s philosophy…
the answer of yoga teacher was well-aimed and clever. 🙂
i’ve always thought that cinizm isn’t the best way of reaction… but to be ironic… that’s a big difference 🙂
newest post “polish citiZEN”:
http://wp.me/p19cNF-hN
I found learning about personality type extremely helpful. I’m a skeptic in general, so the message I got from your post is that looking inward can happen in different ways (or from different sources). If one doesn’t work for you, there surely is another route. It also helped me to understand that others around me are different too, and by looking at them in this way I can let things go. Changing yourself is SO hard, yet the most rewarding thing we can ever do! It benefits the whole family. Lovely post.
Correct me if I’m mistaken: cynics enjoy the negativity in truth. Perception is a totally different mechanism than the differentiation between right and wrong. In the end, if you like your view of yourself … keep it. If you don’t … ask yourself why … If that is because of others and their assumptions about you … don’t try to make the change … yet only in appearance.
Keep up the good work;
Just a friendly tip: Be sure to space only once after a period. The old double space rule applied only to typewriters. Only a single space is needed after a sentence when typing on a computer. It’s a hard habit to break, but it will be worth it! (took me forever)
Self-help books can make you gag…or not. Clearly, as an attorney, you bring a logical sort of intelligence to your work and your life, and too many of these books count on a gormless gullibility — that seems to sell very well! (I like EPL, but I’m OK with that.)
Calm and equanimity are essential to not having a heart attack or inducing one in others. One of the qualities I have always most admired in others, especially women (too often socialized and rewarded for being Emotional!) is a calm, quiet grace that says “We’ll get through it”, whatever it is. My mother survived five kinds of cancer and her standard reply was “What should I do? Jump out of my skin?”
Wise words I try to live by.
I enjoyed reading this. You were really bold to come out on an issue so many of us struggle with. My favorite experience with cyincism goes something like this:
Me: Maybe I shouldn’t sit on this side of you ’cause you’re left-handed.
My friend: I’m not left-handed.
Me: Sorry. I just have this typical northern-Illinois notion that all vegetarians are left-handed.
My friend: I’m ambidextrous actually.
I find one way that I feel more calm and accepting after a trying day is if I lie down and listen to calming music (I’m a big singer-songwriter fan) or if I read a fabulous book, which is what Fortytude sounds like! Although I’m not religious, is it big on the spirituality aspect?
Boy did I need to read this today! As of late, I have been struggling to accept the unacceptable…wish I could explain what that is, but I have to keep quiet for now. That’s another thing I have a hard time being graceful about–keeping quiet. Thanks for the great blog, and the encouraging words…:-)
Wow, I loved this post. Especially since I have been working on the same things in my life as well. I think there are sometimes that we do have to step back and change. And if we couldn’t change our personality traits, we probably would kill each other. Extinction is never the answer.
I just recently learned about this concept of equanimity. I was reading a book by the Dalai Lama and like you I had to look it up. It is a wonderful concept and I too am continuing everyday to work on it. It’s a tough one to master but at least trying is better than not at all. Great post!
I literally laughed out loud when you mentioned eye spasms from rolling your eyeballs so much at that book. Thanks for a great post, I feel pretty much the same way toward sickly-sweet advice on how to improve my life although I do keep trying to figure it out as I go along.
Congrats on being FP’d! 🙂
I absoluely loved this post. When I first clicked on the Freshly Pressed link, this particular post didn’t appear for some reason but I tried again as the title intriqued me. I definitely think that all change starts from within and there are many ways to approach it (full disclosure — I love personality assessments as a way to accomplish that), so your opening line tickled me greatly. I hear that sentiment quite a bit in my work. The title of your blog “Willingness to Grow” certainly leads me to believe that you’re open to new experiences and development. Thanks for the book recommendation; I’d like to check it out.
Leeann,
First of all, congrats on the PRESSED.
I know what you’re saying. I wouldn’t consider myself as cynical, but I am a “cautious optimist” at times, especially in matters where I’ve had repeatedly bad outcomes. (That’s called learning, right?) Like you, I am one of the rare women out there with no desire to read “Eat, Pray, Love,” much less go see the movie.
I believe that Pilates and working hard to fulfill my dream of becoming a writer this past year has transformed my outlook. Another part of life I’d suggest women focus on is their diet. Since I’ve changed my diet, (cutting out most meats/starches as well as all artificial colors & artificial flavors and switching to organic foods) my mood swings are much more rare. I feel healthier than in years.
Thanks for the book suggestion. I’ll check it out!
Very cool! I never thought I’d find myself reading self-help books or anything of the sort, but I’ve picked up a few lately too, in my quest for a bit more emotional stability myself. Some are valuable, some aren’t (I would’ve definitely thrown The Secret out the window :D), and insights can come from very interesting places. I work with horses and have one of my own, and I think most of my big emotional breakthroughs have come as a result of learning how to be a better leader for them… they demand a sort of emotional fitness that I think it takes a lifetime to master. 😀
As a “learned optimist”, I’d definitely say that our ability to change is limited only to our willingness to do so. One of my favorite quotes comes from a writer named Blaine Lee who said, “Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can’t prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you’re presented with and moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice and the choice can be power.”
I’ve come to believe every word of that. Whether you’re a cynic, an addict or someone who just wants to stop eating a whole bag of Oreos in one sitting, we’re stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
I think I learned more from your post than from Eat Pray Love. I too was quite cynical of the book although not to that extreme.
I appreciate your post very much LeeAnn. Depending on what’s evolved from opening up to the ideas of equanimity and other self nurturing concepts, I thought I’d share Words of The One with you.
http://wordsoftheone.wordpress.com/
The best to you, and sending love, light and laughs on your journey. Namaste.
B*
Hahaha! I loved the last line, and I’m very interested in the book. I’ll take a look! Thanks. 😀
Your last line truly made me laugh!
You don’t sound cynical to me ~ you sound like you have a great capacity for “critical thinking” which, as defined by Wikipedia, (that all-knowing master of the web/kidding) means “higher-order thinking that questions assumptions”.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Maybe I will see you in the self help section some day. It is a nice place to be.
You can paint a horse with stripes and it still won’t be a zebra.
WOW! This really made me think. Thanks
Awesome post!
Loved the post. I myself have been trying to figure out who I am after my divorce and disability. After 6 years I think I have come to the conclusion about things and life that those books tell us, without having to read them, Thank God for that. 🙂
Hi. There is a big difference between being cynical and being skeptical. You were being justifiably skeptical about the personality tests and ‘The Secret’. (I don’t know about ‘Eat, pray, love’.) Being skeptical just means you are questioning, and evaluating, which are wonderful qualities. For goodness sake, don’t stop being skeptical. There is a lot of guff about. You probably aren’t cynical at all. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be searching.
I love this post, and not just because you didn’t care for Eat, Pray, Love. I don’t know if you can change *who you are* (isn’t that personality?) but I do believe you can change behaviors. I used to be very sarcastic. It was a lot of fun to be sharp-tongued, but in my early adulthood I started learning, probably from my first boyfriend, that people didn’t really like it. So I worked very hard, and ultimately successfully, to not be sarcastic. I also worked hard to become an optimist. (Yes, really!) Anyway, congratulations on becoming Freshly Pressed, and now I want to read Fortytude too!
What a wonderful post!! I, too, feel like I have a lot of cynicism and am working towards improving my outlook on things. I’m going to check out the book you mentioned. And I’ve always done yoga here and there, but have never fully committed to it. I have been wanting to get back into it lately, and thanks to your post, I think I will!! Great post, wise words, namaste… 🙂
I think cynicism is adoptive….
Everybody is rushing through life, panicking and going nuts over the simplest things. Everybody always wants to “finish”, but there is no finish line. Even when we die, we don’t necessarily come to the point where we have finished all the things we have started – we leave unfinished relationships, businesses, dreams, and whatnot. As such, we all sometimes tend to forget to stop and reflect on ourselves. As a consequence, we sometimes do more harm than good, whether to others or to ourselves (but more to ourselves because we forget to reflect and grow). As we rush through life, we lose interest in what really interests us, on what is fun, and on what will really make us happy. In exchange, we gain interest in what will make us rich, stable, and powerful. At the end of the day, we can say that in the process of “finishing”, we might have forgotten who we are and have become someone who we think we should be. It’s a sad thing, but as I’ve said, we don’t really finish. We still have time and space to change, to grow, to live, and to learn. It is never too late to realize where we went wrong. There’s always room for change. However, that doesn’t mean we have to regret what we have done. Living life with regrets just makes us less appreciative of ourselves, so what we must do is to move on with hope and courage. We can change. We can be better persons. And we will. Just live and learn, dream and believe. Then, life will be more meaningful and fun. 🙂
I love this post, by the way. I think you’ve accomplished the first step to change – admitting and reflecting. Good luck to battling cynicism! I know you can make it through, and so should you. 🙂
This post really moved me.
Although you don’t mention it, you’ve inspired me, like no-one else has been able to do, to re-connect with my real self.
I’ve been struggling through a hard time, and need to learn to stand on my own two feet again, and this truly is the inspiration that I needed!
I’m definitely going to try and live life with a bit more Grace!
I’ve always felt some cynicism can be beneficial. Evens out some of that blind-eyed positivity.
As for changing your personality, I’ve always believed your environment plays a bigger part in your “personality” than most think. You end up tailoring your actions to how you think those around you expect you to act. Go to a place/town whereno one knows you, snf you’ll find yourself acting remarkably different, ‘cuz the expectations have been removed.
I definitely think our personalities can change to some degree. However, I think it happens most often unintentionally — due to new experiences that help shape our thinking.
Thanks for sharing. I’m thinking to find that book and read it by myself. It’s hard to be grateful when things don’t go my way. I wonder why we need to do Yoga to practice equanimity. Is there any another way? Please advice.
I also read “Eat, Pray, love”. It was a book that was a waste of my reading time. I kept skipping page after page. I learned nothing from reading the book. It was two wasted hours of my life. It’s not your fault you thought the book was useless. I will try to read “Fortytude”.
Don’t stiffle you emotions, use them as an accurate window to your heart. This insight from John helped me:
“…we allow that man has choice and that it is self-determined, so that if he does anything evil, it should be imputed to him and to his own voluntary choosing. We do away with coercion and force, because this contradicts the nature of the will and cannot coexist with it. We deny that choice is free, because through man’s innate wickedness it is of necessity driven to what is evil and cannot seek anything but evil. And from this it is possible to deduce what a great difference there is between necessity and coercion. For we do not say that man is dragged unwillingly into sinning, but that because his will is corrupt he is held captive under the yoke of sin and therefore of necessity will in an evil way. For where there is bondage, there is necessity. But it makes a great difference whether the bondage is voluntary or coerced. We locate the necessity to sin precisely in corruption of the will, from which follows that it is self-determined.
John Calvin from Bondage and Liberation of the Will, pg. 69-70
Adrian
Not only women, anyone on the righteous path needs them forty tubes 🙂
I have subscribed to this blog because of your great posts. I have been backreading and I think this is one of the best posts you have written. It makes me wonder about my own life. How I wish it would be better.
I too am a massive cynic, but am trying less to be so (I even changed my blog name from ‘Cynic’ to ‘and this is what i think:’ as part of my mission to be less cynical, more open). I think I’m succeeding; there are still limits to this. I felt the same way about The Secret, and came to be so embarrassed about reading Eat Pray Love that by the end, I was reading it hidden behind another book (I was in transit, so reading it in an airport lounge and on the plane where people might judge me as That Woman).
I think you can change personality traits, though. I’m learning to be less compulsive. More positive. Measured. All things that I have struggled with in the past. Seeing the positive side of negative situations and dragging yourself out of the deep holes that we all, inevitably, dig for ourselves at some point is a challenge at first, but it’s possible to get there.
Great read (and as a 34yo, something I need to start thinking about …). I like your initial premise and the argument that never quite got addressed: does personality change? Classic research had always said, no – personality is very stable after childhood. But new(ish) reseach is showing that personality might actually change for the better as we age (at least according to the APA, who is either the guiding light for psychology … or its Nazi overloads). You might like to check out this little summary: http://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug03/personality.aspx
Thanks for your thoughts!
Like you, I’m cynical as well sometimes using sense of humour as a defense mechanism to sadness or depression but boy you should see me if I’m happy, people think I’m high or something! I’m trying my best to keep a positive attitude but sometimes it’s difficult as life and people keep getting you down constantly.
I enjoyed reading “Eat, Pray and Love” but it’s pretty over budget for me to travel to all the places she has been to, so I decided to go to Italy and experience eating only!! haha!
Anyway I think “Fortytude” seems to be an interesting book so I’ll look it up and buy it.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who wants to change 🙂
I think this is a wonderful blog! In my personal experience exercising – regardless of what kind it is, for me it’s running – does help to centre my thoughts and become more accepting of things that don’t go my way. I know that my father does yoga every week and he loves it, and there has been an improvement in his patience. I think new experiences can also force you to grow and learn faster. I’m not saying you need to do a major trip like eat, pray, love but even going to a new place (for example a couple girlfriends and i went to Miami – south beach) and there in particular the culture is so different and calm and relaxed that it affects you in the end to slow it down.
I enjoyed reading this very much, and it made me think and analyze my own life.
I’ll have to borrow that book from you in just a few short years! 🙂
I loved EPL for its vivid descriptions and all of her exotic travels and adventures, but when it was over, I couldn’t help but think that she was as lost in the end as she was in the beginning. Seemed like she was ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’ and not finding peace, love and joy from the Lord- who, in my thinking, is the only one who can truly change lives in a way that lasts forever.
And, you are one of the least cynical people I know- so your efforts at change are working! Love you!
LeeAnn, I have a note hanging by my desk to remind me of how I would like to live my life: with truth, equality, simplicity, community and a peaceful resolution of conflicts. I’m not sure that I’ll ever get there, but it is worth trying to be the kind of person you think you should be. I think that we cynics are really the biggest idealists around, the ones most upset by the barrage of unseemly events that our world throws at us. Keep fighting the good fight!
If I took a personality test I might be classified as an overeating optimist who thinks that watching exercise videos is a form of mental workout. There are times when I get out of my mental box to move my tush back to health. I do believe that I’m a beautiful work in progress. I struggle to live up to that everyday. Life isn’t without its challenges. Sometimes I fail, and since I’m optimistic (or delusional) I believe that I’m winning the battle of my bulge and other malfunctions of the universe.
What a lovely article Lee. I came across it by accident when looking for business articles and was drawn to it. I found it a very welcome distraction and thought provoking. Thank you. For many years I was cynical but didn’t realise it until my children were born which resulted in me relaxing my attitude and lossening up on how I interacted with the world. I give my daughters the credit for my personality change. If only I could change there traits when it comes to tidying up.
Regards
Great post! I feel your pain with The Secret; they should hang their heads in shame. I’m actually living my own version of Eat, Pray, Love in India at the moment only it doesn’t quite happen like in the movies. My guru turned into a control freak that only wanted to let me out of the Ashram 1 hour per day…and that was to walk his dog. So I think I’m going to look up Fortytude as I have plenty of time now that I’ve left him to ponder and I’m also trying to get to a point where Equanimity becomes a natural trait. Best of luck with your adventures I look forward to your future posts!
Namaste
[…] Several years ago, we were asked to take personality tests at our law firm. I was one of the most vocal protesters, complaining that it was a waste of time and silly. I guess I should not have been surprised that I scored very high as to cynicism. I became more aware of my cynicism and I decided in the last several years that I do not want to be cynical anymore. Cynicism has a negative element to it, and I want to be positive. Can you change … Read More […]
Love this post, your attitude, and the connectedness I feel knowing that so many women are seeking (or haphazardly being thrown into) the type of growth that you write about. I also admire the honesty of your writing, which makes me want to strive to be more honest in my blog writing. I have the opposite of one of your challenges, though; I tend to stuff my feelings and emotions, rather than express them. Instead of feeling exhausted at the end of a day, when you stuff your feelings, anxiety builds over time and wreaks havoc on your body, brain, and heart. I’m adding you to my blogroll!
I couldn’t finish the Eat,Pray,Love movie! I thought I was the only one. I haven’t tried to read the secret but I have seen the shorts of the movie and I don’t feel any interest either. Good luck on your resolution and thanks for the suggestion! Greetings from Colombia.
Thank you for your post; it just all adds up: connectedness (sharing) + courage (adventure) + accomplishment (self discover) + spirituality (yoga lessons) = GRACE
I love how yoga with the right teacher always connects the exact lesson your heart and body needs at that moment. Beautiful post. Namaste.
If you paint me with stripes will I be a zebra?
Thank you for the writting, I am sharing this.
I’ve never read this book, but I cannot agree more than I do. Don’t get me wrong… I am very emotional too and I like emotions, but I said once, also this afternoon to myself: “It was meant to be this way.” because I couldn’t change the situation. Taking the easy way out? I don’t think so. Sometimes (but only sometimes) we cannot change anything and we have to accept it and move on.
I believe we all have personality traits that we can improve and work on. However, that being said, we are whom we are. It’s what makes us unique and special. Being ‘cynical’, as you say, can be taken as using your common sense, being street smart and using healthy skepticism. All of these are useful tools in the walk of life. Great post.
Loved your blog. I have recently started yoga, meditation and blogging as I lost my job last year so I fill my time with these hobbies. I wish I was more flexible, but I will keep trying. I am going through the menoupause at the moment and the hot flushes were really getting me down, but since I started the yoga and meditation I haven’t had a flush it’s amazing. I get up in the morning and before I go downstairs I do an hour of yoga and yoga nidra meditation it sets me up for the day. I will keep reading your blogs I have subscribed.
Keep blogging
Ann
Spot on!
It does take work to even notice that a change in one’s life would make things better. And to go ahead and take steps towards it – well that’s the goal in life isn’t it?
Best of luck to you. Hopefully your husband will one day realize how close he was to the edge and appreciate his safer view.
Fantastic!
What a great post! I really enjoyed reading it. It definitely does take guts to make changes. There’s a fine line between self-acceptance and determination to change. Although we all have our own flaws, that doesn’t mean they are set in stone; I’m a firm believer that we can be the persons we want to be, that we can rewire our thought patterns. It takes time and effort, but can definitely be worth it. Thank you for sharing with us!
interesting.
i never took a personality test…congrats on fp’ed!!!
very true. I must look out that book and have a good read…..
Loved your post, it was thought-provoking, entertaining and it made me laugh out loud (so did some of the comments . . .”i divorced the spawn of satan” – awesome. I don’t know if yoga and calmness is the path to grace for me, but I’ve found a shot of tequlia goes a long way, and for those really tough incidents, a whirlwind trip to Vegas. I got my own life back about four years ago, it took a bit of work but I found the crazy-ass, fun-loving person I used to be all over again and I haven’t looked back.
Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed, I’m still seeking that Holy Grail of blogdom.
I like your post. I am a vegetarian and Mom of a 4-legged, too. To answer your question, when I think of cynicism, I don’t think of it as a personality trait. I thought our personalities are what we obtained by the age of 5 or 6? You couldn’t have been a cynic at the age of 5! That must mean that you can let it go! How amazing that you can open up about it, though. I’m thinking that is going to help you immensely. 🙂
I had to look up the word “equanimity” years ago b/c I was reading Rainier Maria Rilke’s poetry and that is the very last word used in his piece called “Straining So Hard Against the Strength of Night” (part of his Uncollected Poems). It’s such a gorgeous poem and every time I read it, every cell in my body wants to shout. But the very last verse has always bothered me b/c I don’t know what he means when he uses “equanimity” in the way he’s using it. That said, he was German and this is a translation.
The poem is on page 127 in Stephen Mitchell’s translation in the book ,”The Selected Poetry of Rainier Maria Rilke.” If you figure it out, let me know. Here’s an excerpt:
“Perhaps the angels’ power is slightly lessened when the sky with all its stars bends down to us and hangs us here, into our cloudy fate, in vain. For who has noticed it? And even if someone has, who dares to lean his forehead against the night as on a bedroom window? Who has not disavowed it? Who has not dragged into this pure inborn element nights shammed and counterfeited, tinsel nights, and been content with those? We ignore the gods and fill our minds with trash…”
😉 Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed
I’m reading that book! (and giving a copy to my daughter).
Greetings . . .
http://kumpulanfilegratis.wordpress.com/
phew! someone else that didn’t like ‘The Secret’ – thought I was the only one! and EPL – didn’t even bother!
I think “Author” has a good point. Do we really want our children sounding like that? My daughters taught me a lot in avoiding it. I do want to read SB’s book. Thank you for the rec.
First of all, congrats on being freshly pressed. Second, everyone can change it is a matter of choosing to do so. Trust me. I used to be the cynical person, heck I was called cynical at the age of 12, scary but true. I chose to change that when I noticed how unhappy I was making myself.
As for keeping one’s equanimity, I find it easiest to do so if I look for the lesson in a given situation. It took a bit of practice to do so, but it has definitely paid off in the long run. Check out my blog and see for yourself.
Have a good one,
Jacqueline
I really enjoyed reading this blog but as I come along to a part where A chocolate brownie that you crave so much in the fridge ended up eaten by your husband… It was quite acceptable to be calm and think that it was okay but what if you found out that he saved the brownie that you have been craving so much for another person.. A chick officemate perhaps.. Will you still have this calm acceptance? What is the perfect calm acceptance for this situation? It’s so easy for people to tell things and advise what should someone do for inner peace but actually it is just a way to repress present emotional disturbance. It is a defense mechanism to escape from your natural you. It is so difficult to deal with different situations and as to how extent they will test your patience. No one else can ever give that perfect advise unless she had come to the worse of that situation.
Hello LeeAnn,
Truly enjoyed this – ditto on The Secret; Eat, PrayLove – while I am a fan of her journey – be real, who could do that?
I will buy the book based on your story, and I too have just rediscovered Yoga. We tend to think of it as a physical practice (westerners) – it is so much more than that. My Sunday morning is better, I’m thinking about my equanimity (I have to scroll up to ck spelling, just a second…..) cool. Equanimity. I have a Question relative to changing our personality. Do you remember always being cynical? My theory is, over time and with life experiences we evolve into it. My personal experience has been so many dreams and promises – for whatever reason don’t pan out, I have become a very sarcastic person. I conscientiously have to watch it. I refuse to be a “middle aged” bitter woman. (I refuse.) You spoke of Grace, thank you! That word hasn’t been used or taught in 2 decades. I forgot about the word grace, althought I must have been steeped in it as a child. Thank you for the reminder of what it means.
This post is absolutely beautiful! I once took a Bible seminary course that addressed the personas we project to the world. The scholar expressed, “What we practice in constant is what we will ultimately become/be.” He further broke this statement down in a way where it quickly and easily resonated through his students’ hearts: Practice Makes Permanent. Whether it is a good or bad routine that has been put to practice, that which is practiced on an ongoing basis is what we will become, and finally, reveal to the world.
In the flash of my today living, this image somehow managed to slip from my primary perspective, until now. Your post has allowed the curative practices I once embraced and thankfully experienced to come rushing back as a reminder in all its glory. Thank you for such a beautiful cue – and for setting this ole girl back on a healthier course.
Thank you for your post. I myself have decided to try to accept things more calmly and not let my over-sensitivity to matters cause me to impulsively react through various forms of meltdowns. Lol! It’s a long journey to look into, change and reinvent oneself but I guess whilst en route it’s ok to slow down as long as we don’t stop along the way – Everything will be fine.
Inspiring!
I’ll try to develop Fortytude in me right away…and I’m sure its going to make my life much easier and happier.
Thanks for sharing these nice thoughts. 🙂
I don’t think I’ve had a blog post make me laugh out loud that my neighbors can hear me. Thank you for that gift. Also thank you for introducing me to such a fabulous word: Equanimity. It’s something I strive for in the self-improvement department. Calm is good, rage, not so much.
You also nailed the very reason I HATE (I know, a very strong word) self-help books. The thing is, the self-help is the journey the writer took to get from “uncomfortable, painful point A” to “loving myself and my life point B.” So what’s so wrong on spreading the love, i.e. help? It’s because it was their journey, not yours. Everyone’s make up is different, so is their journey. Embrace that. Celebrate that.
Well I wonder if it’s a coincidence that I came across this post today (I’ve come to believe there is no such thing as coincidence) as I have been on the same kind of self-renewal/improvement/spiritual…journey lately. Many of those same conclusions I have come to from different sources and in a different language. I had trouble with The Secret, too, mainly because of the “make you rich” marketing of it. I had a teacher who over the course of a few years had taught us the core message of The Secret in a much better way. Equanimity-may I suggest that you try reading some books by Eckhart Tolle? He calls it “being in the now.” I’m currently reading his book The Power of Now-some parts of which are easier to accept than others. But it is all about redirecting your thought process into focusing on the present moment.
I never sought out to change being cynical, as it was something I had embraced and put to good use in comedy (still have some of it) but as I began tapping into these books and Eastern (I suppose that is the appropriate adjetive) beliefs/practices it just sort of vanished away along with my other negative attributes.
As for this book you are speaking of, I will have to try reading it. Even if it is intended for women, I’ve found that is an advantage of being gay(:
Thank you for posting this!
This is a beautiful post – thank you for sharing. I am also on a path to improve myself – but I’m not able to write as beautifully as you. Please visit my blog and I welcome your thoughts on how I can achieve equanimity. http://wp.me/p1D1XU-H
I wish I can have a calm day everyday…..but I feel so emotional at times. How do you embrace acceptance of life and accept grace?
I was once told that the only real way to change yourself, is to close your eyes and imagine that all the things that you dislike about the world had changed, and see yourself in that world, and for as long as you are able let your mind escape to that world. Sanity through delusion, I suppose, but in doing so one allows themselves to reestablish their own role in the world, or to take a slightly different perspective, to reestablish the role of the world in our own existence. Not sure why but that idea, perception dictates reality and our capacity to make our own perceptions malleable, this has always been comforting to me…
You can absolutely change a personality trait. My wife has always had self image problems and she found the book “Thin is the new happy” a complete game changer for her. She doesnt count calories or beat herself up over the gym anymore and is just more at peace with her body and mind as a whole.
[…] They say you are the master of the universe, yes that is true in my opinion. Your knowledge of who you are will help you understand what you have control of and those what you have not. They are innate within acquired since childhood or thru the environment you grew up with, which helped shaped your personality. Take it or leave it. It could be the positive personality trait or the negative one. Learning to live in the present moment regardless of your limitations will help you live in a holistic manner. Nothing wrong to strive to look into every opportunity for growth while toning down if not eradicating the less wholesome pesonality will bring about a remarkable person you hope to achieve someday. Aim for perfection! Several years ago, we were asked to take personality tests at our law firm. I was one of the most vocal protesters, complaining that it was a waste of time and silly. I guess I should not have been surprised that I scored very high as to cynicism. I became more aware of my cynicism and I decided in the last several years that I do not want to be cynical anymore. Cynicism has a negative element to it, and I want to be positive. Can you change … Read More […]
Great article! This is rreally interesting for me as such as taxation in UK 🙂 – http://honka.tk
Your wrote very well. Thanks for sharing. If you like please share and like my post about Great woman Helen Keller.
http://sadaefaqeer.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/happy-birthday-dear-helen/
[…] Several years ago, we were asked to take personality tests at our law firm. I was one of the most vocal protesters, complaining that it was a waste of time and silly. I guess I should not have been surprised that I scored very high as to cynicism. I became more aware of my cynicism and I decided in the last several years that I do not want to be cynical anymore. Cynicism has a negative element to it, and I want to be positive. Can you change … Read More […]
Fusion of philosophies, religion and psychology in self help seem to be an exciting hobby for me. Once I took a Myers Briggs psychological profile which deemed me an INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Perceptive personality), which I dismissed as much other advice/diagnosis in life. To much of my dismay, everything I once knew (or thought I was convinced of) later has been disproved by the previous teachings of others. Thank goodness for positive feedback loops, a quietening the mind and Yoga (not to mention 5 healthy vegetarian meals a day!!!).
Being a cynic is quite normal I think because there is a great deal of foundation for it in early childhood. Beloved Santa Claus becomes a lie. All the archetypes of the childhood consciousness turn out to be lies: the tooth fairy(cheap witch never left me more than 40 cents), bunny rabbit, and the whole world of adult subjugation is based on lies. So who wouldn’t grow up to be a cynic? And an alcoholic.
And yes, Alcohol in times of economic decay. Witch proceeds the ladder at Lowes?!?
Great Post. It is so easy to see faults in others. Harder to see the flaws in ourselves. Even harder yet to attempt change.
I enjoyed this post!
Those five core values deserve careful consideration… inspiring.
Congrats for being Freshly Pressed.
I ended up here through a random click of the mouse. I enjoyed reading about your journey so far. I feel we must be a cynic to a degree else we will end up being taken for a ride by anyone. Of course, with equanimity we could also accept that it had to happen. Grace happens with practicing awareness. We change at the speed of thought. Our personality changes occurs when we consciously make the decision to discipline our mind.
I believe that one can change to a certain extent but one’s core remain– unless forced to change by a massive, life-altering experience.
Hi LeeAnn, I do love reading any posts on personality traits. I think it’s somehow cool to understand ourselves. It helps me to know who I really am and helps me live this life in a much more enlightened way.
By the way, I’m curious about the other four cores too. Do you plan to write about them (Connectedness, Accomplishment, Adventure, and Spirituality)? Would be lovely. 🙂
Cheers,
Decci
I still find myself a bit too cynical for this… I mean, I love the idea of accepting that things were meant to be a certain way, but I am one of those people who thinks, “If everything that happens is MEANT to happen, then free-will is an illusion.” I’m glad you’re learning the art of acceptance, I’m just still not sure how I feel about embracing the fact that I have no real choices to make for myself in my life. Best wishes to you.
“love the example given by my yoga teacher – she said that at first she had problems getting her arms around the concept of equanimity and asked her instructor if it meant that she could never be enthusiastic about things again – such as being so excited about eating the chocolate brownie waiting for you in your refrigerator. His response was no, it didn’t mean that – but what it did mean is that if you look forward to the brownie all day, then at the end of the day when you go to get the brownie and discover that your husband ate it, your reaction should be a calm acceptance that it was meant to be that way.”
That’s true wisdom there. I think everybody should print this out and post it on their wall. Or perhaps on their refrigerator.
nice
Great post.. it seems most of us are having the same battles.
[…] and after 2 hours of endless discussions in meetings that seem to go on in circles, I read a blog post about changing personality traits and it is a bit of an enlightening read on such a hectic day, but […]
Wow. Thanks for the freshly pressed post. A good read and I can relate to that some years ago. Its all a journey. Thanks to everyone who commented as it really built on that post.
And in answer to the title of your post. Yes, you can change a personality trait. but first you have to be open to change and aware of the need to change.
bring it on. 🙂
Cheers
Wayne
So beautiful. Everything is written in the old book called Bible since man is man. But we are so stupid, we like to look for anything else searching knowledge and how to learn about us and others deeply but the bible. I ran all over different kind of spirituallity and all empty (Listen: this happen to me only, this message was for me only – I don’t want to hurt nobody. I do respect all kind of spirituality). When a friend of mine gave me a challenge: “you must get in to a church, believing in GOD. – If you can’t feel anything at all, go home and keep the way you are, ok?” – I said – ok!! I was amazed, every word was for me. After he said (my friend): “The man rules: see to believe – and the GOD rules: believe to see – that’s why is so hard to other people believe!”. It change the way I live my life. Find your way. Believe. Thanks and sorry my poor english. LPM/designer
Thank you for post. I acknowledge your authenticity and humor used to unpack areas of our lives that are sometimes challenging. And also finding what works for you and throwing out, (in your case driving over), what doesn’t work. 🙂 You are so right, those darn “shoulda, coulda woulda’s” keep us trapped in the past and from who we are truly desgined to be.
Thanks too for introducing the new word (new for me) – equanimity. My yoga teacher hasn’t mentioned this one yet. Coupled with Grace, it is powerful. It weaves in beatifully alongside my other favorite word, Santosha- being content in the discontentment. Content will all – our actions, what we have, where we are, who we are and with one another.
Blessings to you are you continue your journey of self awareness and discovery. I’ve been on this journey for several years now, and honestly there’s no jumping ship now. After all, if I’m not learning, evolving and growing, then how can I live fully in who I’m designed to be and contribute my best to those around me?
Peace to you, please continue to share your journey with us as it is making a difference!
Pam
Just found this when scrolling back through “Freshly Pressed”, and thought “Fortytude” was a pretty descriptive handle! I find it interesting that companies make people take personality tests, as if there is a standard, accepted personality they are striving for and want to find out who the outliers are! Equanimity is a desirable goal, I guess, as long as it doesn’t mean you go through life emotionally flat. We Americans, especially at work, tend to think we have to go through life with a grin plastered on our face, no matter what is happening to us inside.
Look forward to reading more of your posts!
It’s a common misconception that companies that use assessment tools are trying to fit everyone into one mold. In my experience, the opposite is true. Employers are looking to understand — and celebrate — the unique differences of each person. The assessments help put the traits into a common language, but not a common bucket. I’m sure they are misused in some organizations, like anything. But when used properly, it allows individuals to understand themselves and others more objectively.
I really enjoyed your post. It was a wonderful outlook and gives people something to relate to. We are in charge of our lives and how we choose to live it! Living it with awareness and acceptance is the way I choose to live mine. Thank you for sharing!
[…] Fortytude – equanimity vs cynicism 10 Things You Didn’t Know about Dynos – Matt Samet on […]
This is a great post and reading find. I’m always looking for some inspiration and how to handle what life gives me even when it’s small and I tend to make it bigger than it is. Thanks!
I absolutely LOVE this post! …particularly because I can relate to it. The past couple years I’ve started to realize some characteristics of my personality that I’m not too happy with and want to change. However, people always say, “No one ever changes” so I didn’t know if it were true. Could I be stuck with what I consider less than favorable traits for a lifetime or could I do some soul searching and be the person I want to be. Like you, I started practicing yoga so as to create more calm in my hectic world and bring balance to my life. So far it’s helping but it takes a lot of practice and dedication to change behavior that comes so natural to you. I will not lose hope though. Good luck in your journey! Namaste 🙂
I’m a graduate student of Psychology. And honestly in my undertanding you cannot change a personality “trait” because we are born with predisposed traits from our parents genes. As Hans Eysenck pointed out in his in his study of twins both were born with the same personlity of neuroticsm. Though you cannot change a trait you CAN put yourself in an environment where your cycnicm can be challenge and slow shape it into a less cynical level of a personlity trait.
If you are interested in delve into Psychology of personlity definitly check out Hans Eysnck or Eric Ericson (developmental psychologisy) theories. 🙂
Absolutely HILARIOUS! Thanks! haha
Where do you get your ideas for the posts like “Fortytude |”? I have a blog on similar subject but I’m running out of ideas for new posts :o)
Of course you can change a personality trait. Your personality subconsciously fluctuates through various stages of personal and emotional development, fuelled primarily by the reaction of your piers to certain social situations. It is indeed possible to change your personality willingly but it requires time and dedication. You need to retrain part of the way your brain works. A good read, keep up the good work.
[…] for women approaching middle age. (Two other core values are covered in these blog posts: Fortytude, on grace and equanimity, and Girlfriends, on connectedness.) The remaining core values are […]
I like your style
Thanks i love your article about Fortytude |
I like Your Article about Fortytude | Perfect just what I was looking for! .
[…] lives as they entered their fifth decades.” I have previously addressed grace/equanimity (Fortytude), connectedness (Girlfriends), and adventure (How Did That […]
[…] two most popular posts are Fortytude and Feelings of (Blog) […]
[…] you read my Fortytude post, you know that I tested very high with regard to cynicism on a personality test. You also know […]
[…] was going to look back at my Fortytude post and talk about how I have become more equanamous. I was going to mention specific results […]
[…] worked on improving myself – inside and out; one of my favorite posts, Fortytude, chronicles some of my efforts as to the […]
[…] then I wrote Fortytude. At the time, I used my law firm email address for my contact information. The morning I published […]