August 15th, 2011 
LeeAnn Did I get your attention with this title? I promised myself that I would be honest on this blog. So, here goes…
If you know me and my husband, my guess is that you know that there is an age difference. How much? My husband will tell you exactly. I am a little more protective of the information. I am not sure why. Suffice it to say that the age difference is less than Micheal Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, but more than Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.
People often ask me if the age difference bothers me. It does not. On a day-to-day basis, I forget about it. My husband and I are both very physically active. We exercise together and we take athletic vacations. We spend the vast majority of our time together as we like to do the same things. We share a love for animals. We balance each other well. I am emotional; he is more rational. Little things drive him crazy, while I am much more patient. Big things upset me; he is much more calm in such situations.
When someone forces me to, I remember the age difference. We had a summer associate in our law firm that asked me (and I was hiring partner at the time) if my husband (who, by the way, is also a partner at the law firm) was my father. I kind of felt sorry for him. I was nice to him about it, but it really did make me question his overall judgment for saying something so stupid risky. I did not mention it to anyone else though, so it had nothing to do with his not getting an offer. Apparently, he really did have poor judgment – or was an idiot (or both).
There are so many incredible positives of our relationship. Many of them are the same as those in any good marriage and have nothing to do with the age difference. For purposes of this blog, I will focus on the top three that I believe relate to the age difference:
1. Sorry guys, but you mature way later than us females. I think that is a scientific fact. And many of you do really stupid things before you mature. By the time my husband and I started dating, he had all of those things behind him.
2. My husband has more life experiences than I have. He was married before and he knows what he wants out of a marriage and how to work at it. He has been working longer than I have and has weathered the ups and downs of working life and can help me through them.
3. Sorry, this one may be a little vain – but as I am getting into middle-age, it is really nice to feel young in the relationship. There is a lot of pressure on women in our society. Whereas many of my friends worry about their wrinkles and the aging process – I do not. There is some real comfort in that.
In terms of negatives, there is the obvious about one of us dying before the other. I thought about that before we got married and tossed it aside. I am all about logic, and how logical is it to avoid a known good thing due to the fear of eventually losing it? Any of us could get hit by a car tomorrow.
There is one unexpected negative effect. It makes some women mad. Usually, the women are closer in age to my husband. I guess I understand it; it used to annoy me a little when tall guys ended up with short women. It has been a bit of an adjustment though as I have always considered myself a friend of women – not someone who women would not like. Sometimes I have to work harder to overcome assumptions made; other times I don’t bother.
It has amazed me how well our families have adjusted, to the extent that there was an adjustment. My mother “mothers” my husband (if you know my mom, this probably will not surprise you), although there is not the typical age split between them. I am the baby sister of my husband’s sisters. My husband calls my brother “bro”. Our nieces and nephews on both sides are huge parts of our lives.
One of my all time favorite stories is about when I met my husband’s parents. We had been dating about six months and he decided that I needed to meet them – he had already met mine. His parents lived six hours away from us. We started the drive and I was filled with anxiety. What was his mother going to think of me? She doesn’t know anything about me, except that I am significantly younger. At that point, I had experienced a couple of my husband’s friends being unkind due to my age (as an aside – I was 31 – not a baby). After sweating it out for six hours, we arrive and walk into his parents’ home. His mother was sitting on the sofa and I walked over to her. She took my hand and really looked into my eyes intensely.
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, so I think I froze.
I will never forget her first words to me.
“I have been waiting all of my life for you.”
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Okay. I am crying. Like, really. Tears.
Thank you for reading my blogs and commenting, dear friend. I feel like I have connected with you so much through this and I love it.
That is a very sweet post! What a graceful and sweet thing for your future MIL to say.
thank you Jill! She was a special lady.
Huge smiles over here. What a great story. And frankly, anyone who has ever witnessed the two of you together could never doubt the incredibly strong bond of love between you. It’s definitely a good model for us all. Great post. Thanks so much for sharing this with us!
thank you dear friend – miss and love you!
A great story and very touching. The timing of your post is interesting: I was thinking of both of you and your relationship during the ride home yesterday. My impression of your marriage has certainly changed in the five years since we first met. At first, my inclination was to do the stereotypical guy thing and gave a mental “thumbs-up” to your husband for his choice in a much younger spouse. But as we’ve spent time together, my view has become less sophomoric. I no longer see any age difference. None. Zero. What I do see is a marriage that works on many levels in a time when many marriages don’t work at all. I see two people who truly enjoy each other and share many common interests. I know your marriage isn’t perfect, but,it could easily be held up as an example to other couples, regardless of their age, In fact, I picked up a pointer or two over this past weekend that I’ll introduce into my marriage. Thanks again for a great time and I hope to see both of you soon.
Robert – wow. You could not have written something more meaningful to me. I have read it four times already. THANK YOU. We love you both.
Baby Sister: you KNOW I am not one to shed tears easily, but this really touched me…I GET it, I really do. Truth be told – our whole family had been waiting for you. I love the tender side I see in my big tough brother now. It was never there before. You two definitely bring out and reflect the best in each other. Age difference? Really? I hadn’t noticed at all. I love you. a
I love you too Ali – thank you for being my sister!
What a beautiful story about your MIL and your marriage! Difference is not a bad thing. The best relationships I know are made up of people who would never be paired up in any conventional dating site checklist. I know it hurts when people have negative assumptions about you, but honestly life is too short to even worry about it. Anyone with half a brain can see that you are great together.
Thank you Jen!! I agree with you totally – and think I am finally there as to realizing that life is too short to worry about such things or people. Hope you and your family are all doing well!
Perhaps your best ever, Honey. Love you both,
Mama
What a beautiful story. And from the sounds of it, you had been waiting all your life for her as well. It’s so special when families merge so joyfully. Thank you for sharing.
PSC – I think you are absolutely right. Thanks so much for commenting and take care!
I love the happy ending with your mo-in-law!
I’m in a marriage where there is what is perceived by many as a significant age difference. So far it’s been 25 years, so I’m optimistic that it just might work out.
thanks ilegirl – very good to hear!! We are half way to 25. Congrats!!
Baby sister,
Thank you for loving my brother so! And thank you for sharing this sweet story. I did not know mom said that to you. It is special that you shared it.
I love you,
Boyce
Thank you sister Boyce – I love you too!!
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Wow. I think you and your husband are both very fortunate.
thank you Rayme! I agree. : )
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