Prior to about four years ago, I had never heard this phrase. It is amazing to me how many times I have heard it over the last several years.

I am in the process of finding my voice. Several of my girlfriends are trying to find their voices as well.

What does it mean? I can tell you only what it means to me. To me it means having the strength and conviction to live life more authentically. For me it has involved putting the brakes on the direction my life had been headed (which was centered around my career) and spending time thinking about what I want to do; what I am passionate about; what makes me feel good; what makes me happier; what is important to me. And then to adjust my life accordingly; to live a life that is more authentic to who I am – to live with integrity.

Sounds very self-centered, doesn’t it? I suppose it is. But the central concept to this journey for me is that I will be a better person (and wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, attorney and human being) if I can find my voice.

What is crazy to me is that I have not found my voice prior to this time. What have I been doing? I think, in retrospect, that I have lived my life for others. I do not mean this to sound like I am a martyr and have sacrificed my life in any way – because I am not and I have not. I am so fortunate and have had an amazing life.

I also do not mean this as a criticism of the “others” in my life. It is in praise of them. I have been surrounded by incredible human beings my whole life. There are not enough platitudes in existence to describe how I feel about my parents and what they have added to my life. My grandparents were huge positive influences as well.

When it came time for me to make life decisions in the past, I made them on the basis of what I thought would make these incredible people proud of me. They were all over-achievers; I wanted to be one as well. I went to an ivy league college, on to law school, and then on to the practice of law. Each award and honor received made me feel good because I thought it would make them proud.

And the irony was that my family was happy and proud because they thought the awards and achievements made me feel good and were signs that I was doing what I wanted to do.

Looking back, I think many times I took the lazy route. It was lazy in the sense that I never really stopped to examine life and what I wanted out of it. I think some of it was also due to immaturity. I was a baby when I went to college. I scoffed at people who took time off between schools, thinking that I was much more ambitious than they were. If I could do it over, I would take time off. I think maturity might have helped me to stop and feel these decisions that I was making so easily – really feel them, and not just do what I thought was the “right thing.”

What have I done to try to find my voice? This blog is one of the steps. I have found that I have a passion for writing and communicating through this medium to people. My dedication to my yoga practice is another. I set time aside every week to focus on me – and to listen to what is going on inside of my head and in my body.

Another step I have taken is to educate myself. I am not the first woman to go through these issues in her forties. It helps to read how other women have handled their journeys.

I have made myself open to change. I am more cognizant of my own reactions and thoughts. I am seeking positivity and trying to walk away from negativity.

I am trying to be better in all of my relationships, including as a friend. Part of my motivation in writing this particular post is wishing that I could help my friends in their efforts to find their voice. The only way I know how to do this is by example. If what I have gone through serves as any sort of inspiration for you, then I am beyond honored. Each one of you is an amazing person with so many gifts and so much to offer. That you do not have the self-confidence to understand that hurts my heart.

I do not have children but I have a niece and nephew with whom I am very close. I think often of how I can help them to navigate these early life decisions. My niece, especially, reminds me of myself at her age in a number of ways. She is a pleaser; she wants everyone else to be happy. The wish that I have for both of them is that they find passion in their life – and I don’t mean in a romantic sort of way. Spend the time to examine what really makes you feel good about yourself and what excites you. It does not necessarily have to be a profession – it can be your avocation instead of your vocation. But find it; explore it and grow it.

I am in no way done with my journey; I hope I never will be. But I am feeling the benefits from starting it. I have more confidence. I am a more content person. My relationships have deepened and strengthened. The support from my husband and my parents has been so significant to me.

If you are struggling to find your voice, take a step.  Start the journey.  And be good to yourself.