April 4th, 2012 
LeeAnn I intended to write this post about results.
It has been a little more than a year since I started this public journal of self-awareness and self-growth and I guess I was feeling the need for validation of my efforts and my time.
Like most of us, I am results oriented. How could we not be? Look at the various stages of our lives – when we are young, we work hard to get good grades and succeed. When we enter the professional world, we work hard to climb the corporate ladder and/or to make more money. Earning money becomes a key motivator for many, as it provides financial stability and rewards our efforts. That’s why some turn to investment options like Spread Betting Brokers. Similarly, when we play sports, we play to win. Most of us are motivated by the results.
I was going to look back at my Fortytude post and talk about how I have become more equanamous. I was going to mention specific results that I have achieved in my yoga practice.
Instead, the universe gently showed me the wrongness of my ways.
This past Sunday, I went to Bikram yoga. As an aside, after deciding about a year ago that Bikram yoga was not for me (see My Beef with Bikram), I have worked it back into my schedule at a friend’s urging. Power yoga is my favorite practice by far, but I have enjoyed working two or three Bikram practices in a week. The mix of the practices makes me enjoy each one more.
Given that I am always early wherever I go, I had twenty minutes before the start of Bikram, so I picked up an old Yoga Journal.
I opened the magazine to an article about equanimity.
The following sentence leapt off the page at me:
“… [F]ixating on the results can cause you to miss key aspects of the process.” (The article is titled “The Calm Within,” and is by Frank Jude Boccio. You can find the entire article here).
Coincidence? At the start of my journey, when cynicism ruled my brain, I would have said yes.
My thoughts have changed a bit though.
I have come to believe that, in certain types of situations, if you make yourself more open, then what you are looking for will eventually come to you.
I must admit that the type A lawyer in me wants to dissect that sentence and argue with myself. But I am not going to do that. I still have that slight urge to roll my eyes at sentences like the above, but I fight it.
I honestly have observed, over the past year especially, that if I allow myself to be inquisitive, to be open to ideas or positions that are new to me, to question my decisions and views … that useful and often profound information presents itself to me.
The process of writing this post is a prime example. I began to write about the results thus far of my self-enlightenment journey. I intended to make a numerical list and enumerate for you how I have met some of my goals. But I was struggling with how to do this; it felt forced to me. The idea of results suggests a finality to me, and I know that this journey will be on-going for the rest of my life.
Then the message presented itself to me. If I focus on results, I might miss the key aspects of the process.
The process for me has been about really living with myself; truly examining my life and my behavior; testing and looking for what makes me fulfilled and content. It has been about trying to become more self-aware, present and conscious.
Through the journey I have learned so much about myself and have been a little surprised at my strength and determination. (Hmm … maybe gaining some self-love has been a key element of the process for me?)
So rather than show you any perceived results, I am going to tell you that I believe I have made progress.
This week, I began a program at Savannah Power Yoga called 40 Days to Personal Revolution, based on Baron Baptiste’s book of the same name. It involves forty days of yoga, mindful eating, meditation and self-inquiry.
Last week I would have told you that I am excited about the potential results from the program.
Today, I tell you that I am so excited about the process.
Namaste.
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WOW! I had a conversation similar to this with Mindy just the other day. She is always so focused on the end result. I tried to explain to her that she is going to miss the struggle, difficulty, joy, challenge, pain, laughter, and experience that the process holds in store for her. She said, “I just want to see what happens at the end.” She always was the kid who skipped to the last page of a book, too. Now, after our talk, she realized that in order to really appreciate the result you have to experience the process. It is so true. I always try to live my life in my forties better than I did when I was younger. I was always in such a hurry and now, whew, I wish it would slow down. You are so inspiring and I cant wait to here about your 40 day process.
Kelly – you are such an amazing mom with an incredible perspective. Your girls are so lucky to have you!! Hope you are feeling better and look forward to catching up soon!
Um, I meant, “hear* not here. Sheesh!
I love knowing you!! Keep the posts coming!! Missi
Missi – I love knowing you too!!! Thanks for brightening my day!
Beautifully written. More honestly, how beautifully lived. Thank you for your Presence. I am so grateful.
Much love,
Stephanie
Stephanie – so much love and gratitude right back to you! You, through your incredible kindness and wonderful energy, have been such an inspiration to me. Thank you for so many things.
From the wise words of Steven Tyler: “Life’s a journey, not a destination”… the quote you mentioned above is so true. It’s all about the joy in the journey- the results are just icing on the cake! XOXO
MB – through you, I am beginning to appreciate Mr. Tyler!! See you tomorrow! xoxo
LeeAnn, it seems that you answered one question for yourself, in that this blog has certainly been worth the time and effort you’ve invested in it. (At least that’s easy for me to say, since I’ve been so lucky to have met you through it!) You can see results as part of the progress, if that makes sense.
I can remember a point several years ago when I finally understood that some of the challenges in my own life were going to be life-long challenges, and that they would never go away completely. But they would become easier, and if I had the right attitude, they would be fun to explore and understand so I could work through them. The stress was lessened all the way around. And that supported my ability to deal with those things in a much more effective way.
Thanks for your amazing honesty and all the things about yourself that you share. I love reading your posts!
Robin – you just so beautifully said what I am experiencing! It really helps me to hear that other people are going through similar journeys. I am so grateful to have met you through this process – one of the most positive results!!
This is fabulous, LeeAnn. So much growth, so much*process*. I think you should have cake. All good celebrations have cake. 🙂
thank you my friend – cake sounds wonderful!
Wonderful post!
Embracing process is not easy, and especially for those of us who are driven and ambitious. It is all too easy to let introspection slide in favor of achievement, and RESULTS. I’m so glad to know that there is someone else going through such a journey of self-awareness. It can be a bit lonely at first on such a path.
Ilegirl – I love hearing that others are going through similar journeys. It reassures me that I might be on a positive path. Thank you for being so supportive and kind!
Love this post! It seems your blog has been very helpful to you. You have discovered what you were supposed to and not what you thought. Keep at it and as I’ve learned yoga is a life long experience. When you stop growing and learning you are doing something wrong.
*and I read your previous post regarding Bikram…that post made me laugh at work 🙂 So glad I have never tried that. It doesn’t even sound like yoga or the principles behind yoga, although I know many who love it. Guess I’m just older and like the classic yoga better.
Thanks Amy! I agree totally with you about growing and learning! As for Bikram – it is a very different philosophy, but the athletic aspect of it has grown on me. : )